MIRACLES SOURCE

Weekly Questions and Answers, 12/31/2003

Weekly Questions and Answers, 12/31/2003

This week's questions/topics:

Q #348: Why do I feel spiritually more at home in a particular place?.
Q #349: How does one stop perceiving physical problems?.
Q #350: God, illusion, dreams, the dreamer, and separation.
Q #351: What is the meaning of: "The memory of God comes to a quiet mind"?
Q #352: What should I do if external circumstances are making me depressed and angry?
Q #353: How can I find my "purpose" in life?
Q #354: Is the ego just a long-dead mistaken thought?
Q #355: I study the Course but why do I feel terror, panic and fear?

Chronological List of All Questions.

Q #348: I first discovered A Course in Miracles in San Diego ten years ago, and I believe was initially drawn to California due to what I perceive as an incredible spiritual energy. It's been approximately two years since I moved to a mid-western state, and although I know on an intellectual level that my sense of peace and connectedness to God has nothing to do with where I am, I cannot seem to get over the fact that since moving away from California, I can't find the same sense of spiritual awareness, closeness to God, and peace that I felt while there. Could it be that this so-called "connectedness" that I felt in San Diego was yet another ego tactic that was easy to find in such a vibrant place, or could it be that San Diego truly is where I belong?

A: You are correct in saying that your peace has nothing to do with your location. Where you happen to be living neither gives you peace nor takes it away. Nor is a geographical area imbued with spiritual energy. The only "place" where we get in touch with our true nature as spirit is in the mind. Therefore, if you are not feeling at peace in your new home it cannot be due to your surroundings. It is a reflection of the loss of peace experienced as the result of a decision to leave your real home. The guilt for having "run away" from God is the source of the feelings of sadness and loss you are experiencing.

Needless to say, in this dream of exile it is very normal for us to develop a special relationship with a geographical area that we love, and that suits us. It is our belief that we are incomplete that compels us to endow certain people, places, or things with the power to meet our needs in some way. When they fail us or are no longer "ours," we then experience a deep sense of loss. They become our "idols," taking the place (pardon the pun) of where we truly belong, i.e., at home with God: "You are at home in God, dreaming of exile but perfectly capable of awakening to reality. Is it your decision to do so?" (T.10.I.2:1,2). When you feel homesick for San Diego, it is important not to deny all that you appreciate and love about it, nor to deny your feelings of loss. At the same time, you may recognize the real source of your pain and ask the Holy Spirit for the correction so that the process of healing the specialness can begin. Only in this way will the sadness and loss gradually dissolve.

Q #349: I am only on Lesson 36 in the workbook of A Course in Miracles, but I want so much to assimilate it all and grow this way.... FAST! Anyway... I am currently unemployed, running out of money very quickly with none coming in, facing mold issues in my rented house, unable to lose weight due to a newly recognized thyroid problem... all physical illusions I want to and am very willing to give up, but... how does one stop "perceiving" these body/physical/survival issues and deal with them?

A: The Course will, perhaps to your disappointment, not tell you what to do to get rid of your problems, but rather it will teach you how to look at them so that you may be as peaceful as you’re willing to be, regardless of what seems to be happening. Now that does not mean that you won’t make any effort or take specific steps to resolve the problems, just as any "normal" human being might. By all means, determine the best way to take care of yourself and your body. But wouldn’t it be preferable to proceed without a sense of urgency, fear or anxiety? Now that will more than likely take time to achieve, and patience is one of the characteristics of an advanced teacher of God (M.4.VIII)! So don’t get discouraged if shifts in your perception do not happen as quickly as you think you’d like them to.

You may wish to have a focus on developing a relationship with your inner teacher -- Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or whatever you’re comfortable with calling that presence -- which the workbook lessons should be helping to facilitate. For developing that relationship in your mind can go a long way towards offering you the comfort of knowing, as you address your life challenges, that there is Someone who genuinely cares for you Who is always available to you so that you know you are never alone.

To get an idea of how questions raising some concerns parallel to the ones you have identified have been addressed, you may wish to review Questions #128, #142, #229, #235, and #313.

Q #350: Since God is only concerned about eternal things (unconditional love, etc.) and did not create, recognize, nor is concerned about anything outside of the eternal -- material, bodies, earth, etc., I would like an answer to the following question: Since we were all God, "One Mind," originally, that means that there could not have been anything else. That would mean that there could not have been a "dreamer to dream any dream" nor could there have been any separation from God (through any autonomous desire to create ourselves) because there was nothing else. God would have had to be the dreamer and, thus, He would have had to separate from Himself. In other words, to say that "anyone" is an illusion could not be true and would have to be an illusion in itself because it could not have happened! After months of struggle this was revealed to me a few days ago. Please let me have your thoughts!

A: I believe you’ve got it! What makes such issues ultimately impossible to address satisfactorily is that we are attempting to make sense of an illusory state from within that illusory state. It’s enough to make you crazy, but we already are, for believing we’re in that illusory state. Only a split mind can have a question, for within perfect Oneness, there can be nothing that is unknown, hidden or forgotten. And "anything outside of the eternal" can only be nothing, although we make much ado about it. To say that an illusion is an illusion is to operate still within the illusion, but it has the advantage of not perpetuating further illusion. That, in a nutshell, is what forgiveness is (C.3.1:3,4).

For further discussion of the ego and its origins, see Questions #10, #88, and #171.

Q #351: Regarding the phrase, "The memory of God comes to a quiet mind," which "mind" is this referencing? If it’s the "brain mind" we use in the daily dream, does this mean that it is helpful to find and use ways to try to quiet the brain, for example, meditation? If the phrase refers to the one Mind, how is it possible to "quiet" that Mind through the interference of our "Brahmanic"?

A: The mind A Course in Miracles refers to here is the right mind, not the brain. This mind is quiet. It is only when the mind chooses to identify with the thought of separation that awareness of the memory of God is blocked and the quiet is replaced by the ego’s "raucous shrieking." The Course tells us that the purpose of the ego’s shrieks is to keep us anchored in its thought system, unaware that we have a mind at all, much less a quiet one.

Meditation may be helpful to keep us focused on our goal, and there are several meditative exercises in the workbook to help us. However, neither meditation in itself nor quieting the brain is the means the Course uses to bring about the mind’s healing of the thought of separation. It is asking us to look at the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that flood into our awareness from the mind through our brains, not to try to silence them: "Our task is but to continue, as fast as possible, the necessary process of looking straight at all the interference and seeing it exactly as it is" (T.15.IX.2:1).

The beliefs we hold about ourselves as separate, sinful and guilty, and our attack thoughts that are projections of our guilt onto others keep the awareness of God’s Love blocked. They have been purposefully chosen in defense of the decision to be separate, and must be recognized as the cause of all the devastating effects we experience in the ego’s nightmare. Looking in this way leads us to question the value we place on our beliefs: "To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral. Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make" (T.24.in.2:1,2,3,4). We will eventually learn that our beliefs have no value; only then will we be free to let them go so they can be replaced by the thoughts of the Holy Spirit Who brings healing to our minds. This healed mind is the quiet mind where the memory of God returns to awareness.

Q #352: I have been reading the text and doing the lessons in A Course In Miracles for the last six months. At this point I am deeply unsettled and in a lot of pain. As a veteran of the 12 steps of AA, I am used to looking at my uglier perceptions honestly, but I seem to be feeling a deeper level of rage and hate and it is not pretty. I feel neither the ego’s pleasure nor the peace of the Holy Spirit. I really do feel of two minds and my decision as to which one to follow feels random and confusing. I feel like I have no idea who I am and what I am doing. I am recently unemployed and have no idea what to do for work now. I have no lover or intimate relationship in my life and haven’t for a long time. My friendships are solid and supportive but I am torn between feeling depressed/angry on the one hand and grateful on the other. I have felt genuine gratitude for the events in my life, even though from a cultural perspective, I may appear not to have much going for me at this time. I am now sinking into a depression over externals and am afraid of being stuck there. I could use some advice.

A: The Course assures us that it can be a gentle path (e.g., T.6.V.2:1; T.14.IX.3:2; T.15.XI.1:5,6; T.19.IV.A.11:6; T.21.I.3:1,2). However, our egos, frightened of the prospect of losing control and being dissolved in love, seem determined to allow the process to be anything but gentle. For the ego thrives on gravity and seriousness and would never want us to take its antics lightly. Know that you are not alone in the struggle you are experiencing.

You speak of feeling that you are of two minds, with your choice between them as random and confusing. One helpful step in your process may be to understand what the Course is calling us to do when it asks us to choose between those two minds -- the ego and the Holy Spirit. For most of us, for much of the time, and certainly especially when we are first embarking on this journey, choosing the Holy Spirit will mean very simply learning to look at our ego and all its ugliness without judging it. We are not being asked to deny it, for we still believe it’s real. But if we can look at the ego very honestly, without judging it, it will begin to lose some of its seeming power. Rather than overwhelming, it will begin to appear merely pathetic, even silly. And we will begin increasingly to recognize that our ego does not really make us all that different from everyone else. We all share its insanity and if we feel ashamed of it, it can only be because we are denying that commonality with all our brothers and sisters.

Now obviously, this looking is not something we can do on our own, as you are experiencing. For when we look on our own, which really means looking with our ego -- the ego, by definition, is what it means to be on our own -- the result can only be pain and despair. They are the ego’s defense against our decision to become willing to lighten up with the help of Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Jesus has asked us to join with him in the process of looking at our egos (e.g., T.11.V.1) because without that gentle presence alongside us, we can only deceive ourselves into believing the horror of what we see in ourselves. Yet Jesus simply smiles at all of it, and perhaps that is why we hesitate turning to him, for we may not be ready to have our egos, while we remain so intimately identified with them, dismissed so lightly.

It is also good to remember that there is no need to force the process, no need to insist on looking more deeply when our fear is too great, for then we only succeed in frightening ourselves, another of the ego’s goals to keep itself alive and kicking. In Jesus’ own gentle, undemanding words, "If you find resistance strong and dedication weak, you are not ready. Do not fight yourself" (T.30.I.1:6,7).

Depression is yet one more weapon in the ego’s arsenal of defenses against the truth about Who we really are. The Course attributes depression to the fact that we are trying to learn an impossible curriculum -- finding happiness on the ego’s terms (T.8.VII.8). Yet while we are caught in its downward spiral, it may be that seeking support from others, such as a gentle, accepting therapist, can provide the helping hand we need to pull ourselves out of the quicksand of ego judgments. If you find yourself sinking in your interpretations of your life situation, by all means please consider looking for someone who can help you find a different way of dealing with your circumstances. Again, what is important is to recognize that you are not alone. It can only be your ego that wants you to believe that you are alone and trapped, and the ego is capable only of lies.

You may find some additional thoughts that could be of help to you in your situation in Questions #95 and #313.

Q #353: Please explain to me how I can recognize "my purpose" in life. I don't get an intuitive feeling that I have found it, nor do I know what clues to look for. I have been told several times that once it is revealed to me, my whole life will just fall into place! I would appreciate your input.

A: From the point of view of A Course in Miracles, your purpose is to practice forgiveness in every area of your life, so that you would awaken from the dream that you have a life and a will separate from God, your Source. The Course is not about success or fulfillment in the world, because it teaches us that the world was made to hide our true purpose and therefore to prevent us from ever experiencing the happiness that is our inheritance as God’s Son. On the other hand, the Course is not against pursuing a career or being successful in a role in the world. For example, it is especially important for young people just out of school to devote themselves to their work and relationships. It is not usually helpful for young people starting out in life to be confronted with the idea that the world is a defense against the truth. That should come later when a deeper level of questioning comes naturally from within themselves.

The Course’s view actually is quite liberating in the sense that you can fulfill your special function of forgiveness in any role, in any career, at any time, and in any place, because it has to do only with the content in your mind, not the form your life takes (T.25.VI). You thus can view your life as a classroom that presents one opportunity after another to recognize whether you have chosen the ego or Jesus as your teacher, and then to make another choice if you discover you have chosen the ego. You would know which one you have chosen by your experience. With Jesus or the Holy Spirit guiding you, you would see your interests as less and less in conflict with others, which means that you would realize that you share the same wrong mind and the same right mind with everyone else. You would be more inclined to relate to yourself and others in the context of sharing the same needs and dynamics of the ego and the same attraction to undoing separation. Growing into this way of relating to others is your function. The lessons in the workbook, combined with study of the text, are designed to facilitate this training.

Q #354: It is my understanding that the ego is nothing more than an erroneous thought system, and is in actuality dead. I see it as a cast aside useless balloon that we choose to pick up, infuse it with the life of our magnificent minds and give it instructions to play havoc with our lives, bodies, relationships and circumstances. Is my assessment of the ego, and our total responsibility for its employment in our affairs correct and in keeping with the teachings of A Course in Miracles?

A: Yes, your assessment is very much in keeping with the Course’s teachings. It is very simple, not complicated at all. As Kenneth once said: we keep betting on a horse that dropped dead at the starting gate. The problem is that we have constructed many layers of defenses to prevent ourselves from ever getting to this point of clarity, and especially of remembering that there is an alternative for us to choose. A major thrust of the Course, therefore, is to help us identify the nature of those defenses and how they operate in our lives. The purpose of our choosing the ego thought system is also a key consideration; and that purpose, of course, is so that we can have our own special lives, apart from perfect oneness. "By definition, an illusion is an attempt to make something real that is regarded as of major importance, but is recognized as being untrue. The mind therefore seeks to make it true out of its intensity of desire to have it for itself. Illusions are travesties of creation; attempts to bring truth to lies. Finding truth unacceptable, the mind revolts against truth and gives itself an illusion of victory" (M.8.2:3,4,5,6).

Knowing intellectually that it is erroneous and totally illusory is a major step; but the integration of that understanding into our experience is where the hard work comes in, because integral to this thought system that we have allowed to program our thinking and behavior is the terrifying threat of annihilation if we change our minds about its validity and then choose a different thought system. That is why we need to develop a relationship with an internal Teacher who stands outside that entire thought system and who sees us as we truly are. That is why there is A Course in Miracles.

Q #355: I have been a devoted student of A Course in Miracles (as well as Ken Wapnick) for the past 10 years; I truly try to live my life by its principles. For the past 4-5 years I have been living in what I can only describe as "mental hell". My mind is constantly filled with terror, a fear of impending doom and extreme anxiety. Since my external world is relatively problem-free, I do not even have anything onto which to project this terror. How do I deal with living in this "circle of fear"?

A: The terror, when it has us in its grip, can seem almost palpable. And it is in the ego’s complete self-interest to convince us that the terror is inescapable, no matter what we may know intellectually about its origins and the process of release. Not to underestimate or minimize the intensity of what has been your experience for the past four or five years, but the ego would prefer nothing more than to have you believe that terror has been your only experience. In other words, the ego is invested in the denial of any right-minded experiences you may have been having during this seemingly bleak period. Discouragement and despair are just as effective weapons in the ego’s arsenal as anger and hate, for they are all simply various forms of the same underlying content of guilt, screeching that the separation is real.

While it is certainly true that our responsibility is to uncover and acknowledge the darkness within our minds so it can be released, that does not mean we should overlook or negate the experiences of light that offer the correction for the darkness, brief as they may at times seem. Do not deny them, for it is in their acknowledgment that the lifeline to peace is reinforced in your awareness. It may at first seem like the most fragile thread, barely to be trusted to bear the weight of your heavy guilt as you try to climb out of your self-imposed quagmire. But as you recognize and accept those fleeting episodes of peace, the thread becomes a string, the string a cord, the cord a rope, and the rope a ladder of forgiveness that you can climb, confidently and sure-footedly, one step at a time, until you reach the top, rising above the "circle of fear," the quicksand of guilt, and the abyss of despair. And never forget the gentle hand that is always outstretched to help you with each step, for this is a climb you need not make on your own, nor can you. And that hand may come in a form you least expect, as a brother who offers you another opportunity to remember the truth about the both of you.

You do not indicate that the anxiety and terror are so disabling that they disrupt your functioning in the world. Nevertheless, there is nothing in the Course that says you should not seek help from outside yourself, in the form of a kind and supportive therapist who can help you uncover any of the symbols of terror that are buried in your mind, still exerting a strong unconscious effect on your recognition that you deserve to be happy and at peace. The journey is not an easy one through the heart of darkness, but your vigilance and perseverance will be paid off increasingly in a light-heartedness that will surprise you. You need only be open to it and it will be yours. Do not forget that although patience may be a characteristic of an advanced teacher of God (M.4.VIII), it nevertheless is a quality we can all begin to acquire now.

Weekly Questions and Answers, 12/03/2003

This week's questions/topics:
Q #323: Why does the Course use the term "Son" of God?.
Q #324: Any peace I see seems to be temporary. Why?
Q #325: Isn't looking at our egos the same as "analyzing the darkness"?
Q #326: Have any Course students achieved the holy instant ?.
Q #327: How can oneness be compatible with individual beings?
Q #328: If everything is illusion, how can the Course exist?
Q #329: Is marriage a special relationship?
Q #330: What are "Iambic Pentameters"?

Q #323: In talking about A Course in Miracles I tell people that we are all children of God. Why is Son of God always used and not the unisex child of God. The term Son of God is not so familiar to the daughters of God, whereas child of God is for us all. If the Course comes from God, why exclude half of the human race?

A: It is important to clarify, first of all, that A Course in Miracles does not come from God. It comes from Jesus who symbolizes the part of the mind of the Sonship that remembers God, and knows our true identity as innocent Sons of God. God does not know about the world or our illusory separation from Him.

For a complete answer to your question regarding the use of masculine language in the Course please see Question #5.

Q #324: I sometimes feel that choosing to see peace, for me, is a kind of denial. I know I can look at a situation and choose to see peace. And often I do, and the tension alleviates and my thought of peace brings a peaceful feeling. But sometimes I am surprised by an onslaught of fear and anger and guilt feelings in an ongoing difficult situation that I thought was close to being healed, and then I feel like I had just been denying those feelings in seeing peace. It seems to me that to heal them I have to be in the feelings for a while, not try to see peace but really feel the fear and be un-peaceful for a while. I feel if I try to see peace the instant I feel anxious, I will just be covering up the fear and will not be clear about just what I am bringing to the light to be healed. I am not at the point where I can really look at the fear and be peaceful at the same time. Is this in keeping with the path of A Course in Miracles?

A: A very honest, thoughtful question. It is true that our egos can fool us at times into believing we have made a choice for peace when all that has really happened is that we have discovered how to get our own way. Nevertheless, you don’t want to dismiss all your moments of peace as fraudulent, simply because they are not yet permanent. As a result of our fear of what genuine peace brings with it -- a disidentification with the self we think we are -- we will vacillate between peace and conflict as our learning proceeds. The fact that the fear in a particular, recurring, difficult situation seems as intense as ever does not invalidate any experience of peace we may have had in a similar situation in the past.

Each thought system -- the ego’s and the Holy Spirit’s -- is total, and whichever one we choose, when we have chosen it, in that moment we are completely identified with it, regardless of our choices in the past, and we may experience the full range of feelings that accompany that choice. It is helpful to remember also that it is never the external situation that causes our loss of peace -- the situation is nothing more than a symbol onto which we choose to project our buried guilt. So the fear is really coming from a perception from within that we are sinful and guilty for attacking God and deserve to be punished. Any external situation can become the screen onto which we project that thought -- some are simply more powerful, forgiveness-resistant symbols!

Now having said all that, it is important to add that, yes, we do need to look honestly at our guilt and fear before we can release them to the light. Choosing peace is not simply a formula to be chanted whenever our guilt and fear come close to the surface in order to push the feelings back down. And the truth is, there remains a part of us that does not want peace so long as we are identified with the ego. Jesus makes this very clear in the opening lines to Lesson 185: "I want the peace of God. To say these words is nothing. But to mean these words is everything" (W.185.1.h,1,2). We learn to want peace by looking at what we have chosen instead and acknowledging the cost. And over time, as we allow ourselves to look honestly at what we have chosen without judging ourselves for that choice, the real alternative will become increasingly desirable.

Q #325: On page 172 of the text of A Course in Miracles (T.9.V.6:3) Jesus states: "Can you find light by analyzing the darkness..." My question is: If we are to look at our egos as a process, isn't that the same thing as finding light by analyzing darkness?

A: The context of that statement is the unhealed healer who sees the darkness as real and not as a defense against the light, an expression of the only "sin" in the Course: making the error real. As Jesus tells us in the "Song of Prayer": "Do not see error. Do not make it real" (S.2.I.3:3,4). In the section in the text to which you refer, Jesus is pointing out the limitations and mistakes of therapists and theologians who attempt to heal others without first having seen their own mistakes and brought them to the healing presence in their right minds. They therefore know nothing of that true corrective process, and as a result they wind up having their egos direct them as they attempt to heal others. If you know that the ego’s darkness (the wrong mind) is simply a defense against the Holy Spirit’s light (the right mind) and that we can choose between these states, then analyzing the darkness can be helpful in identifying the choices we make. We can then reconsider our decisions. But if we are unaware of the light and the decision-making capacity of our minds, then analyzing the darkness would be fruitless, ultimately. There may be some relief from the pain, but there would be no true healing. In that sense, you cannot find light by analyzing the darkness.

Q #326: Do you know of people who in the year of taking A Course in Miracles have achieved the experience of the holy instant?

A: We direct you to Questions #26 and #104, which address this topic. The essence of the experience is recognizing and accepting the love of Jesus as the only reality in your mind. This comes about through choosing against the ego’s way of perceiving, which always emphasizes differences and separation, and instead seeing your interests and needs as the same as everyone else’s. It is a choice made in the mind, and of course can occur at any time. In the manual for teachers, Jesus speaks about different levels of relationships, the first level being "... what seems to be very casual encounters; a ‘chance’ meeting of two apparent strangers in an elevator, a child who is not looking where he is going running into an adult ‘by chance,’ two students ‘happening’ to walk home together.... Perhaps the seeming strangers in the elevator will smile to one another, perhaps the adult will not scold the child for bumping into him; perhaps the students will become friends. Even at the level of the most casual encounter, it is possible for two people to lose sight of separate interests, if only for a moment" (M.3.2:2,5,6). The holy instant is that moment. There are many other expressions of it as well. It may occur at any time during one’s spiritual process, and one need not be a student of the Course in order to have this experience. Many, many students have done so.

Finally, even though there are 365 lessons and the Course is presented as a one-year program, it is important to take note of what Jesus tells us in the very first sentence after the last lesson: "This course is a beginning, not an end" (M.ep.1:1). The training is completed when the holy instant becomes our only experience. We no longer see any value in choosing the ego rather than the love of Jesus in our minds. We go back and forth that way until we have let go entirely of all belief in the reality of separation, and sin, guilt, and fear.

Q #327: I would appreciate some clarification of the concept of oneness and the following excerpt from the text of A Course in Miracles: "God, Who encompasses all being, created beings who have everything individually" (W.4.VII.5:1).

A: Jesus is simply using the words of our symbolic, dualistic thought system to reassure us that releasing our investment and identification with the ego will not result in any real or meaningful loss. The concept of a hologram can be helpful here, for Jesus in essence is saying that the whole is contained in every part. In reality, any experience of oneness must be beyond all concepts we may employ to attempt to describe it. It is simply an experience of total love that knows no limits, no differences, no perception of an other. That it does not encompass individuality in any real sense becomes clear in Jesus’ words later in the Course:

"Oneness is simply the idea God is. And in His Being, He encompasses all things. No mind holds anything but Him. We say "God is," and then we cease to speak, for in that knowledge words are meaningless. There are no lips to speak them, and no part of mind sufficiently distinct to feel that it is now aware of something not itself. It has united with its Source. And like its Source Itself, it merely is" (W.pI.169.5).

But Jesus is also aware of our desperate desire to cling to a sense of a separate identity, and so he reassures us, "Fear not that you will be abruptly lifted up and hurled into reality" (T.16.VI.8:1). In other words, any shift towards releasing the ego is completely our choice. If it were not, we would be a victims of forces beyond our control, a situation totally antithetical to the Course’s gentle teachings on forgiveness.

See Question #17 for a related discussion on releasing our sense of individuality.

Q #328: Two questions dealing with existence:

i I was recently introduced to A Course in Miracles by a friend, but remain confused by statements, i.e., "the entire physical universe is an illusion." If true, then the Course doesn't exist, and if it doesn't exist, then no one could study the Course or be helped by it. But if it does exist, then the Course is incorrect because something in the entire physical universe is not an illusion. Does A Course in Miracles exist?

ii Since God does not know of our existence in our current state, why then does prayer to Him do anything? Further, if the Holy Spirit was created to take care of this challenge, then the existence must have been known.

A: The answer to these questions lies in understanding what the Course teaches regarding reality and illusion. Reality refers to God and the life we share with God as His one Son in Heaven. Only that is real and only that truly exists. The metaphysics of the Course tells us that: "Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which the Son of God remembered not to laugh" (T.27.VIII.8:6). The "tiny mad idea" is the thought that the one Son can be separate from God. Choosing this thought results in what we are experiencing as our lives as bodies in the physical universe. The Course tells us it is an illusion, a dream: "You are at home in God, dreaming of exile but perfectly capable of awakening to reality"(T.10.I.2:1). This is the Course’s "explanation" for the seeming existence of the physical universe; this is the illusion. Yet, because the Son cannot be separate from the Father, he carries with him into the dream the memory of God in his mind. The thought of separation and the memory of God are the two parts of the split mind of the dreaming Sonship. It is very important to remember that this is all part of the dream. It is therefore not real and does not truly exist. Although we have chosen to identify with our bodies there is a part of our mind that remembers who we truly are. The Course refers to this part of the mind of the Sonship as the right mind. Since we have dissociated ourselves from our minds altogether our right mind is symbolized in the Course by Jesus or the Holy Spirit. They are our teachers in the dream and A Course in Miracles is Their curriculum that we may "Learn that even the darkest nightmare that disturbs the mind of God's sleeping Son holds no power over him. He will learn the lesson of awaking" (T.13.XI.9:5, 6). So, although A Course in Miracles does not exist in reality and is part of the illusion, its message reflects the memory of our reality and leads us to our awakening from the dream of separation.

The prayers in the Course that address God the Father are beautiful expressions of the content of the part of our minds that remembers God. They are formulated in a way that helps us to remember God, and to learn that in spite of our belief in the separation we have not truly left our Source. You are correct in saying that God does not actually hear these prayers. They are gentle reminders to ourselves in a form that comforts us, because we need to know that God has not forgotten us though we seem to have wandered off and forgotten Him.

Q #329: I'm having a difficult time understanding how marriage isn't considered a special relationship, or that you could truly have a sacred relationship with someone.

A: Most marriages start out as special relationships, but they need not remain on that level. The specialness resides in the purpose or the content, as opposed to the form; and the purpose or content comes from the teacher we have chosen in our minds -- either the ego or Jesus. That is the key. Thus you can be married to one person and spend most of your time with that one person, but if the content behind the form is rooted in the healing love of Jesus in your right mind, then you would be excluding no one from your love, or from your kindness, generosity, caring, etc. This obviously does not mean that you have to include everyone else in the world at your dinner table, or in your bedroom, or at the bank when you cash your paycheck. It is important to remember always that relationships are in the mind, and that we cannot usually discern the content just by observing the form. The relationship is made "sacred" by shifting from the ego’s purpose for the relationship to the Holy Spirit’s purpose, and your partner does not even have to be aware of this. The ego’s purpose is to reinforce separation and specialness, and the Holy Spirit’s purpose is to undo all of that.

Marriage, thus, can be an excellent classroom for learning how to relate without a sense of exclusion or specialness. The form might not change at all, but your motivation and interpretations would. You would still do all the same things, have the same intimacy and the same focus on family, or whatever, but you would ask for help to shift from the ego’s purpose to the Holy Spirit’s. You would then look with the love of Jesus next to you at all of the manipulation, the specialness, the guilt, and the victimization that are a normal part of relationships in the ego’s world. And when you look at all of that without judgment, your mind then would be freed to let the love of Jesus flow through you as the content of all your thoughts; and then these thoughts would direct all of your interactions.

Q #330: Please explain and demonstrate "Iambic Pentameter" as used in A Course in Miracles.

A: Iambic pentameter is a way of positioning the sounds of syllables in a rhythmical pattern, and is the most common of all meters in English poetry.

This poetry form groups five "iams" together for a total of ten syllables per line, putting stress on the second syllable, and every other one after that (i.e., weak STRONG weak STRONG weak STRONG weak STRONG weak STRONG). An "iam" is one of the "weak STRONG" units, and "Penta" means five (as in the Pentagon, which has five sides). It breaks into five "feet," like this: weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG. A foot is one of the repeating segments that is used to build a line of poetry. In the case of iambic pentameter, one iamb = one foot.

Much of A Course in Miracles is written in unrhymed iambic pentameter, and this is called blank verse. Examples include the following:

This will / not tempt / me to / de lay / myself.
The world / I see / holds noth / ing that / I want (W.pI.128.8:3,4).

God is / but Love, / and there / fore so / am I (W.pI.rvV.10:8).

In joy / ous wel / come is / my hand / out stretched
to ev / ery broth / er who / would join / with me
in reach / ing past / temp ta / tion, and / who looks
with fixed / de ter / min a / tion toward / the light
that shines / be yond / in per / fect con / stan cy.

Weekly Questions and Answers 12/03/2003

For a complete answer to your question regarding the use of masculine language in the Course please see Question #5.

Q #326: Do you know of people who in the year of taking A Course in Miracles have achieved the experience of the holy instant?

See Question #17 for a related discussion on releasing our sense of individuality.

Q #328: Two questions dealing with existence:

Q #329: I'm having a difficult time understanding how marriage isn't considered a special relationship, or that you could truly have a sacred relationship with someone.

Q #330: Please explain and demonstrate "Iambic Pentameter" as used in A Course in Miracles.

A: Iambic pentameter is a way of positioning the sounds of syllables in a rhythmical pattern, and is the most common of all meters in English poetry.

Much of A Course in Miracles is written in unrhymed iambic pentameter, and this is called blank verse. Examples include the following:

This will / not tempt / me to / de lay / myself.
The world / I see / holds noth / ing that / I want (W.pI.128.8:3,4).

God is / but Love, / and there / fore so / am I (W.pI.rvV.10:8).

In joyous welcome is my hand outstretched to every brother who would join with me in reaching past temptation, and who looks with fixed determination toward the light that shines beyond in perfect constancy (T.31.8.11).

In joy / ous wel / come is / my hand / out stretched
to ev / ery broth / er who / would join / with me
in reach / ing past / temp ta / tion, and / who looks
with fixed / de ter / min a / tion toward / the light
that shines / be yond / in per / fect con / stan cy.

Weekly Questions and Answers 11/26/2003

This week's questions/topics:
Q #316: What is the meaning of "Think not you made the world"?.
Q #317: Forgiveness applied to different forms of attack.
Q #318: Jesus does seem to refer to the soul. What does this mean?
Q #319: What is meant by "the hand we hold is our own" ?.
Q #320: Is the idea of a "soul mate" incompatible with the Course?.
Q #321: How could God create something which could, in turn, create?
Q #322: The difficulty of seeing ourselves as cause, instead of effect.

Q #316: Lesson 184 paragraph 8 begins with: "Think not you made the world. Illusions, yes!" I have been studying A Course in Miracles for sometime and was under the understanding that God did not create the world, but we did as the ego. We, the ego, made (miscreated) the world in which to express our separateness. Paragraph 8 seems to say that we did not make the world, but we make the illusions we see that are not like God (the pain, suffering, lack, even love, etc.). What is the Course referring to as the world and what did God create and what did the ego create?

A: God creates only like Himself. Therefore His creations are the extension of His infinite Love and eternal Life. They are in Heaven, which is the state of perfect Oneness, and they have nothing to do with this finite world, nor can they be understood in terms of anything in this world, because this world was generated by the thought that God has been destroyed (an impossibility, of course).

The world we did not make is the real world. The Holy Spirit is the maker of the real world, which is the summation of His teaching us that the world is a classroom in which we learn that all this is an illusion. In the section called "Perception and Choice" in the text, Jesus speaks of the Holy Spirit as the "Maker of the world," with a capital M (T.25.III.4,5,8). In those passages, it is unmistakably clear that the "Maker of the world" is the Maker of the real world. And the Holy Spirit is called Maker, not creator, because He makes an illusion. The real world is an illusion, but it is a helpful illusion. Thus when Jesus says, "Think not you made the world. Illusions, yes!" he is not talking about the illusion that forgiveness is. The point he is making is that we would recognize that the shift in perception that allows us to see the world as a classroom does not come from us. The source of that shift is the Holy Spirit.

Q #317: As I read about the SARS virus the other day and how it attacks cells, my thoughts went to the attack in Iraq and then to my personal victim story of attack by neighbors (and my subsequent attack/defense). Will you please comment on forgiveness as it relates to any one of these situations and the relationship between them?

A: You are correct in associating the three different forms of attack you mention. Forgiveness applies to each situation equally, because they are all the same in content. In each case, there are seemingly innocent victims being attacked by outside forces (victimizers), which cause suffering. All the victims may make the ego’s righteous cry their own: "Behold me brother, at your hand I die" (T.27.I.4:6).

Forgiveness, as taught in A Course in Miracles, asks us to become aware of the feelings and judgments that arise when we consider each of these attack scenarios. Our reactions show us the beliefs we hold about ourselves as innocent victims, and our judgments against the victimizers. We are asked first to recognize these beliefs, and then learn to look beyond the external appearances to the real source of suffering, which is a decision in the mind to make the separation real. Forgiveness begins by taking responsibility for this choice and its effects (feeling attacked and victimized), without blaming anyone or anything external to the mind. This is what the Course means by: "…forgive the Son of God for what he did not do" (T.17.III.1:5). Any perceived attack, whatever form it may take, is always a reflection of the prior attack on our identity as God’s Son by choosing separation in the mind. This is true for ourselves, and for anyone else we perceive as suffering at the hands of others. The "others" include military forces, viruses, neighbors, natural disasters, etc. Our responsibility as students of the Course is to acknowledge in ourselves and in others the power of the mind to choose. Once we have done this, we then acknowledge that we all can use this same power of the mind to make another choice. Meanwhile, we do not deny the thoughts, feelings, and judgments about the situation as we perceive it, and bringing them to the Holy Spirit, our minds are free to be guided to act in the most loving way.

Q #318: In C.1.3:2 it says that the term "soul" is only used in direct biblical quotations. Yet I've found that Jesus does use the term several times throughout A Course in Miracles without directly quoting the Bible. "The more ‘religiously’ ego-oriented may believe that the soul existed before, and will continue to exist after a temporary laps into ego life" (T.4.II.9:5).

A: You are right in pointing out that the references to the term "soul" in the Course are not direct quotations. All but one of the references, however, do refer to well known Biblical statements regarding the soul, such as "losing your soul" (T.12.VI.1). In the Clarification of Terms it is used to contrast the Course’s use of the term "spirit." In this section it is not referring to any specific Biblical passage, but reflects traditional religious views of the soul, including Christian belief which is based on the Bible’s teaching. Hopefully, finding these imperfections is not an impediment to learning the message of the Course and practicing its teachings. That would certainly not profit the man or the soul.

Q #319: In "Jesus: the Manifestation of the Holy Spirit" excerpt, on page 6, you state "The goal however is ultimately to realize the hand we hold is our Own." And, later, "Eventually we would realize that when we reach out for help, we are really reaching out to ourselves." Could you please elaborate on these statements?

A: A Course in Miracles teaches that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are symbols which represent the part of our minds which holds the memory of God and reflects His love. When it speaks of taking Jesus’ hand, or asking for help, it is making use of these symbols because we, who have dissociated ourselves from our minds and are mistakenly identified with the body, need them. This is best described when the Course tells us: "You cannot even think of God without a body, or in some form you think you recognize" (T.18.VIII.1:7).

Since we believe we are bodies living in a world of form, the Course uses form to make its message personal and relevant to us. It meets us on the level of form because that is where we think we are. It is also more direct, i.e., in passages that clearly describe the nature of the mind and our true identity (See: T.18.VI.8). There is nothing outside the mind, and therefore, no hand to take (neither ours nor Jesus’), and nothing but the mind itself to choose the truth or the ego’s lie of separation.

Both of the statements you mention are based on this level of the Course’s teaching. Key words in the statements are "ultimately" and "eventually." They point to the time when we will have learned that our true identity is the mind. Only then will we realize that the power of choice is ours, and all of our asking has been a reminder to ourselves that we can return to the mind to choose our oneness with God rather than separation. Until then, we need to use any symbol that is helpful to us, such as holding Jesus’ hand and asking the Holy Spirit’s help, to let go of the fear of the power of our minds.

Q #320: What does A Course in Miracles teach about having a Soul Mate? Is this considered a special relationship?

A: Dear Mate: The Course has nothing against having a soul.

Seriously, the Course does not refer to "Soul Mate" specifically, but insofar as the term means that there is one special person who is meant to fill all your needs and whose needs you are meant to fill, yes, it would be considered a special relationship. If the context is needs, completion, and dependency, then the ego is involved. Special love relationships have their roots in the belief in scarcity -- that there is something lacking in us that can be filled only by some special person, upon whom we then depend for our own sense of well-being, happiness, security, etc. Most romantic relationships start out this way, but they can be transformed by exchanging this ego purpose for the Holy Spirit’s, which would be to see that both partners share the same wrong mind and the same right mind, and that their interests are shared, not separate.

On the other hand, there can be an intense attraction to another person because on a deep level there is some recognition that this is the person with whom you are going to work our your forgiveness lessons (M.3.5:2). The attraction is really to the deeper call of the Holy Spirit’s Love, which then would become the center of the relationship. Unlike the ego’s notion of completion, which reinforces separation through dependency, the completion in a relationship centered in forgiveness is simply the manifestation of the wholeness of our true Self, which we no longer choose to split off.

Q #321: How can a being create a being with the ability to create if that original being was itself not created?

A: Creation cannot be understood from our reference point as human beings, because it has nothing to do with the world of separation and individuals, and therefore has no counterpart in that world. It has meaning only within the Godhead, which by its very nature extends itself eternally in creations. Our human conceptual framework was intentionally established as a substitute for the truth of the Kingdom of God and to keep reality forever concealed from our awareness. Therefore our unhealed minds cannot comprehend what we have deliberately sealed off. Jesus speaks to this at the beginning of Lesson 192: "It is your Father’s holy Will that you complete Himself, and that your Self shall be His sacred Son, forever pure as He, of love created and in love preserved, extending love, creating in its name, forever one with God and with your Self. Yet what can such a function mean within a world of envy, hatred and attack? Therefore, you have a function in the world in its own terms. For who can understand a language far beyond his simple grasp?…Creation cannot even be conceived of in the world. It has no meaning here. Forgiveness is the closest it can come to earth" (W.pI.192.1;2:1,2;3:1,2,3).

Jesus describes creation, but only briefly, as he knows that it is virtually meaningless to us in our present condition. A similar glimpse of the nature of creation is presented earlier in the workbook: "True giving is creation. It extends the limitless to the unlimited, eternity to timelessness, and love unto itself. It adds to all that is complete already, not in simple terms of adding more, for that implies that it was less before. It adds by letting what cannot contain itself fulfill its aim of giving everything away, securing it forever for itself" (W.pI.105.4:2,3,4,5). These descriptions points us to a reality that has no counterpart in this world. Creation is extension, yet it is completely non-spatial, non-linear, and non-quantitative.

The dilemma you expressed, of course, has been the subject of many a philosophical/theological treatise over the centuries. Interestingly, some medieval thinkers in the Franciscan tradition spoke of the "self-diffusiveness of love." Love is not love unless it is extending itself. And in the Thomistic tradition (St. Thomas Aquinas), the reasoning put forth is that unless there is at least one self-sufficient being, nothing would exist. That self-sufficient being would have to be infinite (without limitation), and therefore can extend its being in any way. We can get only so far with this type of speculation, though, because our limited perspective would always cause us to anthropomorphize whatever we conceive of.

It might be of help to read through the introduction to the clarification of terms, which addresses the terminology in A Course in Miracles and its exclusive concern.

Q #322: One section in Chapter 21 of the text of A Course in Miracles which has particular meaning to me is "The Responsibility for Sight." It illustrates the discomfort that comes from realizing that decisions which appear to be made by me are actually being made on another level, a level I am completely unaware of as the decision-maker. "I" and the decisions "I" appear to make are merely the effects in form of decisions for guilt or innocence made on another level. The statement, "It is as needful that you recognize you made the world you see, as that you recognize that you did not create yourself. They are the same mistake," touches on this issue, and I would appreciate any comments or elaborations on its meaning.

A: In particular, these two sentences are telling us that we need to accept that we, as the split mind, are cause and not effect within the ego thought system, so that we can let go of the world as a defense against our true Identity and recognize that, in reality, within Heaven, we are Effect and not Cause. We see here, as clearly as anywhere, the insanity of the ego thought system. The separation has seemed to come about because we have resented being the created and not the Creator -- Effect and not Cause, Son and not Father.

And so we seek to make a new, separate identity for ourselves on God’s slain corpse -- clearly here we are into a delusional thought system that believes separation from our Source is possible and murder and death are real. Delusions are unstable (T.19.4.A.8:4) and need constant protection in order to be maintained, and so, in cahoots with the ego, we concoct a wild tale of vengeance and defense, and make a world to hide in, as well as a further false identity -- a physical self with its own distinct personality -- to hide behind. We forget completely that we are the mind that has dreamed this insane hallucination and instead believe that we are at its mercy -- effect rather than cause. Hence, the insanity of it all, because we had set out to be our own cause and have convinced ourselves that we have pulled it off. But then we relinquish awareness of that "power" and accept instead a view of ourselves as effects of the world we made, in order to protect our individuality and to cover over the real source of the pain of separation -- our own choice to see ourselves as apart from Love. We see the world as the cause of all of our pain so that we never get to the source in our own mind -- of both the world and the pain -- where we could make a different choice about ourselves and the guilt we believe is so real.

As the statement you cite points out, denying that we are the cause and not the effect of the world is nothing more than a cover over our desire to make a world of our own outside of Heaven and deny our true Identity as God’s creation, Christ -- each is just a different aspect of the same mistake. But, as your question emphasizes, the shift in perspective back to the mind is not easily made, for our identities are well-entrenched in the world and we have sought to see ourselves as mindless effects or victims of that world. And so Jesus leads us out of our self-imposed prison by inviting us to take small, gentle steps along the path of forgiveness, where we learn to see our interests and our goals as shared with all our brothers rather than as separate. Those little steps will gradually undo the fear and the guilt in our minds so that we will be able first to recognize the "power" of our mind to dream of a world that seems powerful and real while we remain in the dream, and then to recognize that, since it is only a dream and we are the dreamer, we have been the cause of nothing real. And so we have remained forever the loving Effects of a Father Who has never changed His Mind about His Love for us.

For more on the decision-making power of the mind, you may wish to look at Question #226.

Weekly Questions and Answers 11/19/2003

This week's questions/topics:
Q #310: How can a psychologist best help a patient?.
Q #311: Does everyone have a role to play in the world?
Q #312: Is it wrong or bad for me to miss or crave a relationship?
Q #313: Help! How do I avoid a recurring disastrous pattern in my life?.
Q #314: My anger and hatred of evil prevents me from forgiving.
Q #315: How can I deal with a poor self-image?

Q #310: I have been a student of A Course in Miracles for over 10 years, and I recently entered a Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. One of the difficulties I have is that I am learning psychological material that is often at odds with the Course. On an intellectual level, I understand and can accept the distinctions. However sometimes I can't, and this causes me some frustration. I worry about how to help another, although I also recognize where the answer lies -- to turn and trust in the Holy Spirit. I even understand that much of what I am learning can be helpful if placed under the direction of the Holy Spirit -- the problem is that I often forget. I guess my question is: if I'm inclined toward a particular psychological orientation and practice, say psychoanalysis or narrative therapy, is it okay to follow my interest, but with the Holy Spirit as guide?

A: It is never the form but only the content that can ever conflict with the Course. In other words, it is the purpose for which you use the particular psychological orientation and practice that determines whether or not it will be at odds with the Course, and not its particular theoretical model of mental illness and health, with its specific applications. Use it for ego purposes, and you will judge and attack the differences it helps you identify between yourself and your clients. Use it for the Holy Spirit’s purpose and you will see it as a means for uncovering the ego’s patterns and plots and schemes and connivings, both in your client and in yourself, so that they can be released to the healing light of forgiveness.

So study whatever therapeutic model appeals to you and become as good at its practice as you possibly can. For training in the symbols of the world enables you to accept a teaching role in the plan for the healing of the Son’s mind (W.pI.184.9:1,2). Just never forget that the only true healing comes from the one Therapist Who knows no healing is necessary. Your role is to become an instrument for that healing by first allowing your own guilt and attack thoughts to be healed. When your own blocks have been removed, the healing love can then simply flow through you (T.9.V.7,8).

Q #311: It is obvious that Helen and Bill had specific, individual purposes in bringing A Course in Miracles to the world, besides the purpose we all share, which is to forgive and to wake up to knowing ourselves as the one Son of God. I can presume, as the Course says, that we all have an individual part to play in God's plan for salvation; but does that also mean a part in the world?

A: Since the Courses teaches that the world is an illusion, made by the mind of the separated Son as an attack on God (W.pI.155.2:1, W.pII.3.2:1), it follows that it would not tell us that God’s plan for salvation means we have a specific role to play in the world as individuals. It is important to remember that the Course is addressing the mind; specifically, the decision making part of the mind, because nothing exists outside of it: "Mind reaches to itself. It is not made up of different parts, which reach each other. It does not go out. Within itself it has no limits, and there is nothing outside it. It encompasses everything. It encompasses you entirely; you within it and it within you. There is nothing else, anywhere or ever" (T.18.VI.8:5,6,7,8,9,10,11). Every reference to our role or function in the world, therefore, must be interpreted with these metaphysical principles in mind. There is only one role assigned to us by God: to be His innocent Son. The Holy Spirit’s function is healing the mind of the thought of separation, and our only function is accepting this healing through forgiveness. Many passages in the Course seem to imply that each individual has a specific and unique role from God: "To each He (the Holy Spirit) gives a special function in salvation he alone can fill; a part for only him" (T.25.VI.4:2), (See also:T.25.VI.7). However, this "part" is to accept the Atonement for himself. It is "special," in other words "specific," because we have chosen to identify with our individual bodies in the illusion, and have assigned different roles to ourselves, and to every body. Although these specifics (being a son, daughter, parent, teacher, nurse, CEO) are irrelevant to the outcome, they are important because they make up the classroom the Holy Spirit uses to teach us the truth about ourselves. Each part of the Sonship, therefore, has to play his part by accepting the Atonement "as an individual" in his specific classroom and, as you mention, by ultimately accepting his only role and identity as God’s Son.

Q #312: I just finished a meditation on why I haven't had an intimate relationship for so long. Most of the reasons that occurred to me were ego-based. The one I didn't think was ego-based was that I'm just too lazy to put in all the effort it takes. I don't know if this is an appropriate question to be asking, but I think about relationships a lot and I don't seem to be able to help it. I know the Course says that special relationships are just a device to keep you away from the truth and I notice that the A Course in Miracles never addresses the issue of sex or sexuality directly, but I must ask for some guidance here. I have these desires and I don't feel like they're being met. It's hard for me to believe that it's wrong to have these feelings. I'm becoming very frustrated with my life and with this Course. Am I misinterpreting something? I think I must be missing something? Can you help?

A: Yes, it does sound like you’re doing some misinterpreting. By the way, you don’t say what the other thoughts were that came to you in your meditation about having an intimate relationship, but the one you mention still sounds ego-based -- like someone’s mother making a judgment! Rest assured, Jesus or the Holy Spirit do not sound like our mothers’ nagging! And the truth is that fear is more likely the reason you’re not experiencing an intimate relationship, whatever answers you think you heard.

It’s true special relationships were made by the ego to distract us from the Holy Spirit’s answer -- the Course refers to them as "the ego’s most boasted gift" (T.16.V.3:1) -- for they hold out the hope that we can find in someone else the special love that God could never give us (T.16.V.4). But once we seem to find ourselves in the world of separation, the Course does not teach that special relationships are to be avoided or given up. On the contrary, they become the necessary classrooms in which we learn our forgiveness lessons. In Jesus’ own words, "I have said repeatedly that the Holy Spirit would not deprive you of your special relationships, but would transform them (T.17.IV.2:3).

So while the Course is telling us that our special relationships -- and that would include ones involving sex and physical intimacy -- won’t bring us the joy of Heaven, nowhere in the Course does Jesus say that those feelings are wrong or bad or sinful. And furthermore, through our participation in those relationships, we have the opportunity to heal the guilt in our minds that we have projected on to them. It could be that we feel victimized either by the special relationships we are in or have been in, or by the fact that we are not now in the ones we believe we want. In the end, the different forms are all the same, but along the way, our part is merely to be willing to be open to the relationships that are already a part of our lives. For each one, whether or not it involves physical intimacy, will offer us an opportunity to find the love that has always been ours, just buried and hidden beneath the guilt and sin in our own minds.

You may wish to ask then, not for a specific relationship, but for help in releasing the guilt and the fear that seem to be preventing you from experiencing love. You may be surprised at what opportunities show up in your life when you have that willingness, but don’t make the mistake of deciding and defining in advance what those opportunities should look like. Trust that we always find what we need to practice our forgiveness lessons, as we are ready to take our next steps.

You may find Ken Wapnick’s recent tape on "Form vs Content: Sex and Money" of value in thinking about your issues around relationships. You may also wish to take a look at Question #184 for a related discussion.

Q #313: I have just realized, with somewhat of a shock, that a series of events that happened in my life -- loss of friends, my job, my home -- about five years ago seems to be playing itself out again in the same way, under similar circumstances. Everything seems to be falling apart.

I don’t want to repeat this because what followed five years ago was the bleakest, loneliest, poverty-stricken period of my life. I feel like I'm the victim of some big reality con and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it and I'm terrified. It seems that my ego is trying to protect itself by massively intensifying its attack in order to stop me from letting it go by creating bad circumstances in my life. Is there anything I can do to stop what is happening? A friend has suggested that the first time this happened, maybe I should have chosen to go in a particular life direction but didn't and so now circumstances are repeating themselves so I can make the right choice this time. Maybe I'm getting carried away over nothing but if things do fall apart again and I can't change them, it would be nice to have some inner peace with what is happening.

A: You do not say whether you are a student of A Course in Miracles, but your hunch as to what your ego may be up to suggests you have more than a passing knowledge of the Course’s principles. The Course itself says that "trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you" (T.31.VIII.3:1). But it is always and only ever talking about the content of our own perceptions of others, and the pain those judgments bring, and not the specific form of events as they seem to play out in our lives. And there is nothing in the Course that says you must repeat the cycle of pain and suffering until you get it right, as if there were some kind of karmic debt to be paid. This may be true within the ego thought system, but the whole purpose of the Course is to expose the insanity of the ego so we can make a choice for sanity against that thought system.

So what is to be done? What we all must learn to do is to make conscious our own inner decision to see ourselves as guilty sinners who deserve to be punished for all of our transgressions, beginning with our supposed attack on our Father Who only extends His Love to us. That we believe down deep that we have attacked love is true, but we need to bring that belief into our awareness so we can question its validity, as well as the suffering and pain we believe it calls for. For there is no inevitability to the events of our lives. And even more to the point, there is no inevitability to the interpretation we give to the events of our lives. In other words, we may feel victimized by what seems to be happening to us in our lives, but that interpretation of victimization is nothing but that -- an interpretation. And if we’re willing to accept our role in giving that interpretation to external events, then we can join with Jesus and allow him to offer a different interpretation in which no one is guilty, including, and especially, ourselves.

So if you can begin to recognize that it is your ego that is fanning your fears about the future, based on a faulty premise about yourself, you can begin to question whether you want to continue to listen to that voice. For that voice never wishes any of us well (T.15.VII.4:3). But there is another Voice, once you dismiss the ego’s, that only ever wills your perfect happiness (W.pI.101).

Q #314: A problem that will not go away, no matter what I do, concerns evil in people in my life: abuse, neglect, selfishness. I want to forgive, but in all honesty I cannot, because inside I am angry and I hate evil. Prayer gives me lots of affirmation of love. I want this love from people. I am also afraid of people. How can I pass through this wall that obstructs my peace?

A: This type of situation is usually difficult to work through. It requires a great deal of patience and gentleness with yourself. Forgiveness, of course, never means that you deny the "objective facts" -- the abuse, neglect, and selfishness. It asks that you bring your anger and your feelings of victimization to the loving, non-judgmental presence within you, and just observe yourself holding others responsible for your lack of peace. If you try to forgive when you really don’t want to, you are fighting yourself and you will wind up feeling more guilty, which is not a kind thing to do to yourself. Holding on to blame and anger is not sinful and has no effect on Jesus’ love for you; it just prevents you from being peaceful and experiencing that love, as you already know. That is all.

When you are in touch with your feelings about evil, you might remember Jesus’ advice to us concerning the original choice to separate ourselves from God: "Call it not sin but madness, for such it was and so it still remains. Invest it not with guilt, for guilt implies it was accomplished in reality. And above all, be not afraid of it" (T.18.I.6:7,8,9). If you hate evil, you are afraid of it and have forgotten that when love looks on it, it sees only a tiny, mad idea having no power to affect love in any way. That means that the truth about you has been untouched by what you have perceived as evil in others. The part of you that is afraid of that truth continues to see evil as real and powerful, and capable of making you weak.

Finally, a therapist or counselor might help you recover some of your inner strength and work with you on your fear of relationships. You could then look at the deeper issues and apply the principles of A Course in Miracles.

Q #315: I have a problem relating to other people. When I speak with them I feel like a stone and the situation seems to be so unrealistic. I feel embarrassed when people speak to me, or they want anything, or when I believe that I did something wrong. How can I deal with this situation? I perceive that it is my fear of Jesus and a defense against my inner guilt, but I feel so helpless.

A: Yes, your difficulty relating to other people is probably coming from your inner guilt. Guilt results in a poor self-image that makes you feel inferior to others and afraid of them. Just keep working on your lessons and ask for help in releasing your guilt. Be gentle with yourself and be confident that there is a loving, healing presence within you that sees beyond your guilt and fear. Manage your anxiety as best you can. Then, as you feel better about yourself, the anxiety will gradually disappear.

You might also consider getting help from a professional counseling service. They often have effective ways of helping you with your self-esteem and self-image.

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